2804 | [ open post ]

[ From here ]

Can't a girl like pretty things?

Of course, but I'm not sure that answers my question.

It's answer enough.

[ No, it wasn't. ]

Oookay. Let's try this: what's in it for me, if I do get you something shiny? You gonna thank me, sweetheart?

I'm getting the feeling that just saying thank you's not going to satiate you. You want something else, don't you?

Who, me? What else could I possibly want?

I don't know so why don't you just tell me so I don't have to spend the rest of my eternal life guessing.

Nah. The guessing seems like more fun for me

I have better things to do than guess what you might want in return. Like stare at paint drying.

Right. That's why you keep answering me and why you prolonged this whole chat by not answering my questions.

You seem to be implying something.

I've answered your questions. You just haven't liked what you've heard.

Yup, I am.

No. You've replied, but you haven't answered.

What's the difference?

[ If a text could sound snappish, hers would. ]

[If anyone could make that happen...]

Whether or not any information was actually provided.

You wanna commit biblical violence against me yet?

Yes, but I always want to commit biblical violence against you. It's a constant want.

[ Also kind of foreplay. ]

Edited 2024-10-13 23:19 (UTC)

Ohh, yeah, that's the good stuff. Okay, for that I'll think about getting you something shiny.

Has anyone told you lately that you're strange?

It's been at least an hour.

Might be a record for you. You are weird and you're just lucky that it works for you.

[ Always has. ]

Might be.

I remember it working pretty well for you, too.

Maybe it still does.

Maybe?

Do you expect me to admit all my weaknesses so readily?

[ Another question but an answer as well, really. ]

Okay, keep it to yourself.

You know the answer. Don't act like you don't.

Oh, I would've pushed some more on that maybe if I didn't know. You'd never have gotten off that easy.

You're still annoying. And weird. And yes, I want to commit acts of biblical violence against you.

Because it's fun for us both.

You wouldn't want anything to do with me if I were not annoying and weird and inspiring violence.

Yes, it is.

I will deny this if you tell anyone else but I hate that you know me so well. It's a weakness.

Why would I tell anyone else that and why is it a weakness?

You ask too many questions.

[ And she's very good at avoiding answering until she can't anymore. ]

Does it really matter how many I ask, since you aren't answering?

I'm answering. Just not in the way you want.

It's cute you think that, sweetheart.

You don't know why attachment is a weakness? Really?

Ohhh, attachment.

I thought I was just asking about the knowledge, since, y'know. You could stop being attached to me tomorrow, and I wouldn't forget.

You really think that about me? That I could stop in one day?

No. If that were possible, you would've already done it.

Exactly.

So, shut up about it.

Make me.

I honestly think you would like that too much. But, let's be real, it'd be fun for me too.

Throw you into a tree and bury you under sand. That does sound like fun.

How long do you think you could manage to leave me buried for, before you missed me too much?

Oops, another question!

Do you want to find out?

Maybe.

[ She would say that. ]

You just want to fight with me. You love that.

[The opportunity was just too good to pass up.]

Now you're getting it. I do love that.

And if I just happen to oops stab you? Not going to give me shit about that, right?

Of course I'm going to give you shit about that, it's much more fun.

You give me shit about everything. I think I'd be concerned if you just held your tongue.

It's not my fault there are so much more fun things to do with my tongue.

[ Ugh. Damn her because now she wants to know what those things are even if she has an idea. ]

What, like tying cherry stems into knots?

[ Maybe she can get it out of her in a different way. ]

Sure, that could be what I meant.

You're just going to make me ask, aren't you?

You, ask something? But you HATE questions!

I don't hate questions when I'm the one asking them. Big difference!

Uh-huh. Go on, give it a shot, then.

What's your favorite color?

[ Sarcastically sent, of course. That's not the question she wants to ask. ]

Booooooooring. Try again.

I know the answer to that one anyway.

[ Ugh. ]

Why are you the way you are?

Yes, you do.

Just lucky, I guess.

I think there's a little more than that to it but sure. We can let that be the answer.

What kinds of things with your tongue?

[ Fine fine fine she's going to ask! ]

Okay, maybe luck and a touch of insanity.

Oh, you want me to spell it out for you? Imagination not up to it?

I can't want to hear it and imagine it?

I guess so. Suppose I'm just surprised you aren't pretending to want neither.

I'm turning over a new leaf. Just for you.

Now THAT sounds like a trap.

Shocked and appalled that you don't believe me.

Sure you are.

Anyways, you should remember.

I remember.

[ Vividly. ]

Still doesn't mean a girl doesn't like to hear it.

sure.

okay. one of the better things my tongue could be doing is getting a reminder of what you taste like between those pretty thighs

I'd say I'm offended that you've forgotten but it has been awhile. Maybe that's something I'd let you do.

Maybe.

A tragically long time, yes.

Again with the maybes.

I like maybes. They make you work a ittle harder for it.

I don't remember you ever complaining that I didn't work hard enough for it.

You could always work harder. You know, like the little engine that could. Try try again. I appreciate a good effort.

"Work harder." You just want me to beg for it.

That's because you're so good at it, sweetheart.

Ohh, flattery.
I'm just not there yet, though.

I wouldn't expect you to be. That would be too easy and you're definitely not that.

You wouldn't want it that way anyways.

That is true. Because then you'd be boring.

And I don't do boring. While I could always use a good nap, I'd rather you not be the cause of it.

Not the cause of it that way, in any case.

You mean if you use that tongue of yours to wear me out?

[ Another question but maybe a better one. ]

Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.

And yet, you're not doing that.

No, I'm not. Who's fault is that?

Obviously yours.

[ Her, take accountability? Please. ]

Interesting. You've gotten more comfortable being wrong?

Yes.

[ No. ]

I am very humble and enjoy learning from my mistakes.

Now, that's one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

What? But it's all true.

I did miss that thing you do with your face when you tell really obvious lies.

What thing?

[ There's a thing? ]

The expression, the funny little facial movements. C'mon, you know what you're doing.

I don't tend to look at myself when I make faces. Sounds like you do. Very closely. And thoroughly.

How unfortunate for you. Of course I do.

And you don't do that with everyone, do you?

What kind of a question is that?

A probing one.

[ She's just curious, okay? Okay. ]

No, I don't do that with everyone.

[ Is she pleased by that answer. Yes. Is she going to admit that? Absolutely not. ]

I'm just the lucky one, huh?

If you think that makes you lucky, I'm not going to disagree.

Do you want me paying that close of attention to someone else?

Obviously not.

Look at that, I think we just agreed on something.

Yeah? I'm glad you don't want to pay that much attention to someone else either.

Don't let this go to your head
Even though I know you will because you're annoying like that

But no one really measures up

If you don't want it to go to my head, where would you like it to go?

Your ass, maybe.

You need a little more there.

Hilarious.

I know, it's a hard truth to accept.

Ehhh. Clearly it's not actually putting you off, so I don't think I care.

Yeah, but don't you want to make me happier?

Happier. Hmmm. No, I don't think that's on the list of things I want to make you.

No?

Unfortunate. I feel like I deserve a little happiness. But fine, what do you wanna make me?

Whether or not you deserve it is a different question.

What do you think?

I've had almost an entire week of being good. Doesn't that get me a little something?

If you can get a little something, do you really want to use it on a question that realistically you already know the answer to?

So, this is an either or situation? I either ask a question or I get a little something good?

Yes. Yup, that's what I decided.

I don't like that. I want both. I'm greedy. You should know that.

I do know that. Just like you know I don't often give something for nothing. If it's too difficult for you to choose, we can add a timer.

No.

I don't want a timer. I don't like deadlines. There's enough of those in the world already.

Okay. Take your time deciding, then.

Nice to know you'll wait. Not like you have all the time in the world.

Except you do.

True, that does make the waiting less of an impressive gesture, doesn't it?

Yes.

Which just means I expect to be impressed in other ways.

You wanna make a specific request or should I just improvise?

Improvise.

Impress me.

Alright, I will.

Oh, I see. You're not going to tell me when you're going to improvise and impress me.

How can I tell you, if I'm going to improvise? I can't predict that ahead of time.

Wow and here I thought you could do it all. I'm shocked and heartbroken with this new information.

You'll live.
Probably.

Maybe.
We'll see.

Oh, I love it when you do that. Play all mysterious with my date of expiration even though you don't know.

Do you?
Date of expiration doesn't feel like the right phrasing. I'm sure you'll be fresh as ever on that day.

What would you call it, then? You're the expert.

Hmmm.
A very exciting travel day.

You know, when the time comes, I am going to bitch at you constantly.

Yup, I know. It'll be just like now, that way.

Oh no, it won't be like now.

It'll be worse. I'll make certain of that.

Worse. Okay, sure, Agatha.

You don't think I could worse than I already am?

You don't think I would still like you at your worst?

You'd probably like me more.

If that's a problem, just don't get worse.

You telling me not to do something makes me want to do it more.

Boy, you're in a pickle, then.

And you're still annoying.

Okay. And?

And nothing. I just want you to know and continuously be reminded of how much you frustrate me.

Always and forever, sweetheart.

Yes, I know. It delights you when you piss me off. I think you might like it almost as much as you like doing your job.

Figures you would compare those two things.
Anyway it's your own fault I like it so much.

How are your kinks my fault?

Shouldn't look so good when you're angry.

Stop complimenting me. You know how much I like that.

Hmmmm.
Hold on, let me think about if I feel like doing what you tell me right now.

You never feel like doing what I tell you to.

I wouldn't say never, but it is extremely rare, sure.

You act as if I'd tell you to do something you wouldn't want to do.

Should I list all the examples I can think of? I may have forgotten some.

Would you actually list them if I said do it?

Maybe. I don't believe you don't remember, though.

Well, I am centuries old. Sometimes a lady forgets things.

Disappointingly weak excuse, and I'm not sure how what a lady might do is relevant here.

Insult after insult. You are in fine form today.

Was that an insult? Do you want to be a lady? Tried to hit me when I called you that.

Did I?

Oh, that's right, I did. Maybe I just didn't like it in that moment. That was kind of a weird time for me.

Fine, then. Maybe you're a lady and maybe you forgot.

You're so agreeable. I never would have guessed that about you. Or maybe I have that effect.

Maybe I'm just trying to be confusing today.

That's not your default state?

I think to most people, I'm pretty straightforward.

I'm not most people.

No, you aren't. So you wouldn't get the default, would you?

Not unless you're in a mood.

Why would I be in a mood?

Maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the scythe.

On the wrong side of the scythe, that's very funny.

Well, you don't sleep, so.

[ she had to come up with something. ]

No, sadly. It does look enjoyable. Sometimes.

It can be enjoyable. Especially if you get to sleep with someone good.

That's something different entirely.

How so?

Why do you keep asking me questions that you already know the answer to?

I've asked you why you like to sleep with people, before?

Is that what you were asking? It sounded like you were asking the difference between sleeping and sleeping with someone.

Right now, I only meant sleeping in the same bed as someone else. Nothing else but sleeping.

Too many people die in their sleep for that.

So, pointless to do it in your eyes?

No, I'm just generally too busy.

Even if I asked you?

That's never going to happen now, is it?

Not a lot of faith in me, huh?

Faith in you deciding not to hate me anymore? No, not really.

I don't

Hate you. Not right now.

Why not? What's changed?

Does the reason really matter?

How could it not?

Why does it matter? I thought the fact that I don't hate you would be more important.

It's very important, if it's true. Little difficult to believe with no reasoning behind it, though.

Trusting me is an option.

[ Haha. ]

Do you think it would be wise to take it?

I've trusted you before.

I've trusted you before, too.

And I never let you down.

[ Ha. ]

Really?

You disagree?

Would it matter if I did?

I wouldn't have asked if it didn't matter.

Fine. Yes.

Yes, I have let you down?

Why do you want so much confirmation of something negative?

I'm a masochist.

Mm, maybe, but emotional masochism? That's new.

Maybe it's something I've developed in the years you weren't around.

Are you trying to punish yourself? Is that what this is?

Why would I want to do that?

( No comment. All avoidance. )

I don't know, but it seems like you do, especially since you didn't deny it.

Punishment's fun sometimes. But, it's not what I'm trying to do right now. I promise.

Then what purpose does this serve?

Seeing how far I can push you.

Oh, is that it? Then I've answered that question as much as I'm going to.

More than I thought I'd get, honestly.

Aren't you lucky today, then.

I feel like I'm lucky everyday that you don't show your face.

So do most people. That's nothing special.

They don't know your face like I do.

No, no one does.

Edited 2024-11-17 01:33 (UTC)

No one ever but me?

Ever as it exists for me, or ever as it exists for you?

Both.

No one.

( As she thought. )

Hmm.

( Yes, that's all she sends for the moment. )

"Hmm." Okay.

It's a valid response.

I didn't say it wasn't, I said okay. Feeling defensive?

Right now, I feel just punching you in the face.

Weird response to the word "okay."

I thought you'd appreciate me being honest about my feelings for you.

You've been honest about those for, how many hundreds of years now? I've run out of appreciation on that.

Haven't tried to kill you in a little bit. I thought that was pretty nice.

You really think you get credit for that?

I don't?

No, you don't.

Why not? I think it's an admirable show of restraint.

Maybe it would be, if you could kill me.

I'd figure out a way. If anyone could, it'd be me.

Whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetheart.

Even if I couldn't kill you, I can still hurt you.

No shit.

But you can do the same for me.

( So, they were on even ground there. )

Surprised you're admitting to that.

It'd be stupid to say otherwise. We both know it's true.

You deny stuff that's obviously true all the time.

I'm not denying this. Don't make a thing of it.

It's adorable how many orders you're giving today, especially when you say I never do what you tell me.

You like it when I give you orders.

That's besides the point.

But it's not untrue.

But it is irrelevant.

Well, I think it's plenty important.

Really? Why is that?

Because I like reminding you of it because it makes you all frustrated.

I hope that's not because you suddenly think I mind that type of frustration.

No, I know you don't mind it. It's sometimes hard to find anything that does piss you off.

Don't sell yourself short, you always managed to find something.

All those years I was gone, you must have been bored.

There was always work to do.

Didn't miss me even a little?

That's not what I said.

( Hmm. )

Not bored but a little less fun in your life, then.

Well. More than a little.

See, you can't say I wasn't entertaining.

Have I ever tried to say you weren't entertaining?

No.

Which is good because I don't need more reasons to want to stab you in the face.

Relax, that won't become one. I have no reason to try and lie about that.

Good.

Then, I won't stop being entertaining.

I don't think you could manage to stop being entertaining.

It's why you keep coming around.

You think that's why?

I think it's one of the reasons.

Hmmm.

Hmmm what?

Just hmmm.

Tell me, Rio.

There's 8 billion people in the world, never mind the dead. If I wanted entertainment, I could find that elsewhere.

I said it was one of the things, not the only thing, Rio.

I know

I know there are other reasons.

Fine.

Good.

Why do I get the feeling you're upset?

I don't know, why do you?

Because I know you.

Why are you upset?

( she notices you didn't deny it, rio. )

Momentary exhaustion. It doesn't matter. Consider yourself free of the obligation to pretend it does to you, either.

( Goddammit. )

If it didn't matter, I wouldn't be asking about it.

So stop asking about it, and then it won't matter.

Fine.

( ugh ugh ugh. she hates this feeling. )

There, now everything's all better.

Sure.

Everything's just fine now.

No more broken than it was before, anyways.

Maybe.

Things get broken if they're handled recklessly.

Maybe?

Is what you think happened here?

Isn't it?

I don't know. It didn't feel like I was being reckless.

Of course you didn't.

Alright, whatever you say.

( she's going to crack her head against the wall. )

You give me a headache.

Do you want me to argue? Would it matter? Isn't that what you're always saying, that there's no point in discussing this?

And yet it always comes up, doesn't it?

Yes, it does.

I miss him.

( a very rare moment of letting her guard down here. )

I know you do.

I hate this feeling.

Missing someone is awful. Of course you do.

[Is that validating? She's not talented at grief talk, despite her proximity to it.]

( she doesn't even know why she's sharing. she inhales sharply and closes her eyes. )

It doesn't matter.

Of course it matters.

Why?

Because it's how you feel.

And how I feel doesn't matter. It changes nothing.

Does that apply to everything? If it doesn't change it, it doesn't matter?

Yes.

( she types it quickly and sends it, anger and despair bubbling up and making it hard to breathe.

she swallows it down and tries to regain herself. )

Okay.

Edited 2024-11-29 16:14 (UTC)

Okay.

( well.

she hates this. too proud to try and make it better, though. )

[Agatha's gonna want to kill her for this one

but since it's text...]

What would he say to that?

( that is definitely a murderable offense. )

Shut up.

Alright.

( agatha doesn't say anything for days. if she can't stab rio, she'll leave her on read and let her think that she's not coming back. )

You've put me in a mood.

[that's fair enough, although it makes her grumpy]

Well, I'm good at that.

I don't like this mood.

( unsaid: fix it. even if rio doesn't owe her that at all. )

Are you trying to ask me to put you in a different mood?

Well, you started it.

( had she? )

Usually I do, sure, but did I this time?

Yes.

You did. When I told you to shut up.

Which time?

Really?

Edited (boo my html) 2024-11-30 00:45 (UTC)

The last time you told me to shut up was after I said what bothered you the most, you said it a bunch of times before that, so I don't know.

You're irritating.

Never mind.

Does that count? Now your mood is irritated at me for a different reason.

Are you going to fix it if I say yes?

How am I supposed to fix it?

I'm sure you can figure it out.

If you want something, say it.

Didn't I just do that?

( no, she had not. )

Nope, you left that part out.

Whoops.

Silly me. Guess I thought you'd take some initiative.

Yeah, I think you already know I can't do what you would consider fixing it, and that's why you're not saying it.

( again, there's a long silence. a few days this time while she stews. )

Then, it won't ever be fixed.

Unless you think of something other than an undo that would do so.

Then, I suppose there's nothing.

You'd be reunited with him if you died.

You encouraging me to off myself?

No, didn't say you should. Just pointing out that there is ONE thing.

I'm not ready to die.

Options exhausted, then.

Guess I'll just continue hating you then.

That conclusion was inevitable, regardless.

Is this something you don't mind or have you just gotten used to it?

Neither.

I should claim I don't mind, though.

But you do mind.

( claim or not, she knows better. )

Your ego is going to have to live without me confirming it twice.

Are you upset right now?

( before rio can reply, she tacks on: )

I'm asking honestly. Don't be flippant.

[Smart addition, she absolutely would have been flippant.]

Well, it's not exactly a happy cotton candy type of subject.

Edited (oh my god why do I keep forgetting to hit that html button) 2024-12-03 18:33 (UTC)

It's not.

But have we ever discussed happy cotton candy type subjects?

Been hundreds of years, we must have at least once.

[Does she remember it? Not really.]

I'm trying to think of it.

We had to have made fun of someone together. That's considered sunshiney right?

Not for the person we were making fun of, but for us, yeah.

We've definitely made fun of more than one person.

Yeah but who gives a shit about them?
I don't, you don't.
That's why it was fun.

We could do that again.
One day.

We're very funny, that helped make it fun too.

You think so?

Yes, I think so.

( look at her being a little more open than usual. she's growing. )

Unless you don't want to.

[What a ridiculous statement.]

No, that's not what I was saying. I'm in.

Good.

It wouldn't work as well if you weren't there. I'd have to talk to myself and laugh at my own jokes.

You like laughing at your own jokes, don't pretend that would be a negative.

Fine, I do.

But that's not as fun as someone else recognizing my amazing sense of humor.

Yeah, okay. Happy to be of service in this regard, then.

Good.

Because no one's as good at it as you are. Don't question that, just take the compliment.

Okay, fine. No questions. I'll just accept that you think I'm great.

You do enjoy pushing your luck, don't you?

Yeah, of course I do.

Not surprised.

You get bored too easily.

I get bored too easily?

If that's true, pot, kettle.

I don't get bored that easily. I am perfectly happy sitting and meditating.

( lol. )

I don't believe you have ever successfully meditated in your life.

I did try once. A long, long, long time ago. Didn't really work out all that well.

I had some wine instead.

Yeah, that seems much more your speed. Was the wine good?

No, it was cheap. It was from a box. Someone gifted it to me and I was desperate.

Was the person who gifted it to you someone who hated you?

Everyone hates me, darling, so yes.

They might have been someone you were tricking. Explains why they gave you crap wine, though.

It was fine in a desperate moment but never again. I wouldn't even give my worst enemy a box of wine. The humiliation of it all.

Don't get me wrong, I love where you draw the line, but sometimes it is also really funny where you draw the line.

Boxed wine, Rio.

Boxed.

Alright, alright. I believe you about how horrible that is.

I'll make sure I gift it to you as a Christmas present if you're really curious.

Huh. Sure. Physical evidence I'm not your worst enemy, that'd be neat.

You're not.

I'll still send you the boxed wine but you're not.

Who is, currently?

Take a guess. Who stuck me under a fucking spell for three years.

( didn't matter that she was possibly dead. she was still enemy number one. )

Thought so. Congratulations on your victory.

That your way of saying she's truly dead and gone?

Is anyone really truly dead and gone, while people are still thinking so much about them?

Very cryptic.

You're not being forthright here.

Very observant, no, I'm not.

And let me guess, you're not going to change that even if I ask nicely.

Nope, but feel free to try asking nicely anyways.

If it's not going to have any effect, why would I do it?

I don't know, for shits and giggles.

Yeah, for you.

Yeah. You don't want me to have fun?

Not at my expense!

Okay, what do you want out of it?

Shit and giggles at someone else's expense who isn't me, of course.

If you wanted to me to go pay attention to someone else, you could have just said that.

You can pay attention to whoever you'd like.

( she will just stew silently about it. )

Is that what you want? It sounded like you were telling me to.

( of course it's not what she wants. )

You can do whatever you want to do. You have free will. Go wild.

I already know I have free will. That's not what I asked.

What was the question again?

( ugh, she doesn't want to answer this. )

Would you like me to go bother someone else for shits and giggles, and leave you alone?

( ugh mrgh blergh feelings. )

No.

( shut up. )

There you go. Good girl.

( she hates that she likes reading that from rio of all people. )

Shut up.

Say please.

And if I don't?

Then I guess I don't shut up.

Who are you kidding, even if I said please, you wouldn't shut up.

Maybe I would, you don't know til you try.

( time to prove that she's right. )

Shut up.

Please.

[it is extremely unlikely this is going to last any longer than 3-5 minutes

but for 3-5 minutes, there is no reply]

Blessed silence.

( that she really doesn't like all that much. talk, rio! )

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]

You didn't specify how long to shut up for.

( about time. )

The fact that you did it for any length of time is actually amazing.

I like to subvert expectations.

Although it would also have been funny to just say 'Nah.'

That's almost as bad as k.

Edited (html!!!) 2024-12-11 01:31 (UTC)

Is it? I'll have to remember that.

Text me that and I will leave you on read for a decade.

[It's SO tempting to use it in this reply.]

You've ignored me for longer than that before.

And I'm sure it was an utterly lonely time for you.

You know how many dead there are? How many people die daily? I kept busy.

[not defensive At All]

( oops, sore spot. time to dig in deeper. )

I'm sure you did. Doing your job without any excitement in your life that I provide. Just reaping souls and going home to do what? Crossword puzzles? Sudoku? Maybe you got into soap operas!

Hey, some soap operas are pretty entertaining. That one where the lady thought the pillow on her couch was a kid? I was invested in her craziness.

What?

No, don't answer that, don't explain it. I don't want to know.

Are you sure? She was a witch!

She was not a witch. She was an actress playing a witch and no, stop. I don't wanna know.

She might have been a witch in real life, too. We don't know. Unless you met her?

Don't make me think another minute about this.

You brought it up.

I did not.

( or maybe she had. she can't remember. she's blaming rio anyway. )

Oh, you absolutely did.

That's not how I remember it going.

Maybe your memory is still messed up from that little spell.

And if it was? Would you come and kiss it better?

Are you asking me to?

Edited 2024-12-12 18:43 (UTC)

Would you?

If I thought you were serious.

Maybe I am serious.

Or maybe you're messing with me some more.

Do you think I am?

I find it difficult to be sure either way.

Then, guess that's on you, snookums.

Snookums?

Pookie?

I don't think I'm a pookie.

Fine, what do you think you are?

I don't know. Eldritch horror?

That's a terrible term of endearment.

It's better than pookie.

I don't know, I think pookie suits you.

Is that just because I objected to it?

Partially.

And the other part?

A secret.

Oh, we can keep secrets from each other now? That's useful.

Are you telling me you've never kept secrets from me before?

None that can I remember.

Really?

( that's genuine surprise. )

What would I have kept a secret?

I don't know. You're old and you've done a lot of shit. I just assumed there'd be secrets.

Pretty sure I'd have to have shame to want to have secrets.

Fine, no secrets.

I'd call you pookie because you hate it but also because I think it's funny to call someone who terrifies people something so soft.

You can keep some, if it's that important to you.

I can see how that would be funny.

You have a way of finding out my secrets anyway.

Years of practice, reading you.

Think you're good at it now, huh?

Maybe. I know I'm not bad at it, at least.

It would be a very blatant lie if I said you were bad at it.

Never stopped you before.

Just pointing out all my bad qualities, aren't you?

You count that as a bad quality now?

No, but I'm sure most people would.

If I ask you what you do think of as a bad quality for me, would you tell me?

Since when have you cared what most people think?

No.

Why not?

( she doesn't care what people think but this is clearly the more important question to ask. )

You don't need me to do that.

And why is that?

You get that elsewhere.

Most people are too afraid of me to actually tell me anything bad.

Them being scared of you sends a message even if they aren't saying it outright, though, doesn't it?

Are you implying that I should be nicer and sweeter?

I'm not implying anything.

Good answer.

You act like the fact that people are afraid of me is something terrible. People are afraid of you.

How am I acting like it's something terrible?

I don't know, you just are. Because I say so.

Uh-huh. Counterpoint: *I* say I'm not.

Overruled.

I'm right.

Sustained, you're wrong.

Bullshit. I'm never wrong.

Maybe in the past. Now you've been wrong at least twice.

Whatever.

That's just your opinion.

Sure. And it's just your opinion that you're right.

It's factual that I'm right.

Is it? Provide some evidence.

No.

( because she has none. )

I don't have to.

Then it stays as just your opinion.

I'm going to take the high road here and say I don't think we're going to agree on this.

Ever.

That's probably true.

See, I'm the better man. Woman. Whatever.

No, I'm not agreeing with that either.

There's someone better than me?

Depends on the metric, doesn't it.

The metric for this conversation is you.

Is it? I'm not sure I can count as a metric.

How much do I get to decide, if I am a metric?

If I say you can count as a metric, you count.

For this conversation, you can have free reign.

Doesn't that make you the metric?

What's your end goal, here?

Offensive.

I don't always have ulterior motives.

How?

I didn't say ulterior motive, I just said end goal.

That sounds like the same thing to me.

Pretty sure they have different definitions.

Don't be pedantic. They're the same thing.

They aren't.

If you get out the ingredients to make a sandwich, your end goal is a sandwich. Is that an ulterior motive?

How do you know there's not an ulterior motive of poisoning whoever you're making the sandwich for?

Because I didn't say ingredients + poison.

Maybe it went unsaid.

It didn't.

I'm not going to admit I'm wrong.

I know you aren't. This is still fun.

You're a masochist if you find this fun. Not that that's news.

Is stating the obvious one of your new hobbies?

Yes. It used to be pottery but now it's stating the obvious.

When were you into pottery? What did you make?

Dicks.

So, I could set them on fire or smash them.

Yeah, I can picture you doing that.

It's very cathartic. Men are terrible.

Hey, you'll get no argument from me.

I didn't think I would. I suppose they have their uses but eh.

Inventing war. That one was pretty good for me. Otherwise I don't think they've done much.

Of course that was good for you. You got all kinds of prizes when one of those breaks out.

Well, yeah. Makes the quota really easy.

That's a joke. There's no quota.

Even if there was, wouldn't it be a quota you set? You don't have a boss.

I don't have a boss, that doesn't mean I'm in charge of how many people die or who it is. The universe has it's own plans.

Almost kind of sad to hear you don't have a boss. I'd definitely want to meet her if you did.

You'd want to complain about me, wouldn't you?

Absolutely. Until I couldn't talk anymore.

If you really want to not be able to talk anymore, I can make that happen.

And how would you do that?

How would you like me to do that?

I don't know. That's why I asked.

It is a tough decision to make. Maybe I'll write down all the options and pick one out of a hat.

I didn't think you were so indecisive.

I'm not being indecisive. I just feel like a surprise.

Is it going to be gift wrapped?

Sure, it'll be a gift wrapped. Proper little Christmas present, almost.

How fortunate for me. No one's got me a Christmas present in nearly a century.

Would you have let anyone?

Maybe if it was a really good present.

That's a cop out answer. You can't know what it is ahead of deciding.

Fine. Get me a present and I'll be surprised.

Well played.

Thank you.

I do expect a present now.

Yeah, yeah, I'll get something.

Death goes shopping. That could be a sitcom.

Hard pass. I've heard really bad things about sitcoms, lately.

Why have you been paying such close attention to sitcoms lately?

I'm talking about what you said about them, silly.

So, you're not into sitcoms? Damn, here I was coming up with new insults for you.

All your complaining did make it kind of tempting to get into them but I decided to stick with soap operas for now.

Oh my god.

Isn't your life dramatic enough?

What do soap operas have to do with how dramatic my life is?

I just thought you'd get enough drama in your own life.

Fake drama is still entertaining.

I prefer sitcoms. At least their stupidity makes me laugh.

Really? Still?

Why not? I was obviously good in them so I can still like them.

I'm pretty sure I heard you complaining about the limits of the format.

But I was still good. Looked hot too.

Ah, the really important things.

Obviously.

I play to my strengths.

Yes, you do.

Well, I have so many of them.

You wanna recite the list for me?

You'd be here all day, darling.

Worse ways to spend one.

You're going to make me even more full of myself.

Sure, why not? You're a perfectly acceptable thing to be full of.

Oh, that's a good one. Point to you on that.

Thank you very much.

For the record, not something I'd mind you being full of either.

What a miracle, more things we can still agree on.

Calling it a miracle really does make it feel like we hated each other a lot more than I think we did.

Really?

You've been leaning into 'completely' pretty, well, completely, for a good few hundred years now.

There was a lot of time before that, though?

Wasn't there?

Yes. There was.

So.

There's that.

So I wasn't supposed to believe you, about all of that being done?

I don't think this is a conversation that should be held like this.

No, I guess it isn't.

We can

Attempt to have it somewhere else.

You want to try and actually have this conversation?

Try.

Yes.

You don't think try is the right word?

Okay.

Not what I said.

I just know me. Try is the right word.

You just tell me where and when, then, sweetheart.

As soon as possible.

( so she doesn't chicken out. )

[huh. so she's serious.]

When's as soon as possible, for you?

I have a few things the next few days but the weekend is fairly clear.

This weekend it is. We should pick somewhere neutral.

Is there such a place? Florida? Frankfurt?

Ew, gross, Florida?

I don't know. You pick, but not Florida.

What's your deal with Florida?

But, fine. Montana. There's nothing there.

It's Florida.

Okay, Montana is acceptable.

I had no idea you had such an aversion to Florida, Rio. Something new.

But fine, Montana. I've never been there before. I'm sure you have but you've been everywhere.

How long's it been, since there was something new?

Wouldn't it be strange, if there were one spot in the world no one died?

Awhile. A century or so. A long while.

But yes, that would be strange. There isn't, is there?

Places where no one has ever died, no. But there's a couple places I don't really go anymore. They send anyone near death out of town. Longyearbyen, Itsukushima.

Less headaches for them, I assume.

I don't know of anything in Montana so I'll send you the spot when I get there.

True.

Okay, I'll be ready and waiting.

Okay.

( give her strength not to blow this off. )

Okay, good. I'll see you soon, then.

I'll see you soon, Agatha.

Yeah, yep.

Don't be late.

I'm never late.

We'll see

Don't you have something else to do?

[ She knows you're there, lurking in the shadows like she's done in the past. Agatha's been sitting in her chair for a few hours now, a glass of wine long abandoned on the table beside her. She'd had no plans tonight besides sulking and stewing over the curse thing, the lost years of her life, and the Scarlet Witch.

And now, here was another thing to make her night...something. She doesn't turn around to look, knowing what she'll find there. And she knows that it will weaken her, like it always does, when she sees her face.

And tonight she feels like being resolute and not letting the other woman see the sway that she has over her. She's been trying to shake free of that for so, so long and she's failed each other time.

Maybe tonight will be the night.

(It won't be.) ]

I want to be alone.

Edited 2024-11-08 00:47 (UTC)

( from here)

And you find that that works? Teaching someone to be better?

( ew. )

... Not really, no.

But it's fun? Is that terrible?

Whatever makes you happy, I suppose.

I'm not much of a teacher. A little too impatient to try and teach someone something. I'd rather bend them to my will.

( from here )

I don't know. Did someone take my spot?

No.

Couldn't find someone nicer than me?

Why would I be looking for someone nicer than you?

Maybe you're tired of my brand of nice.

Am I? Why am I talking to you, then?

Because I don't bore you.

You can't really think that's it.

But it's something.

It's part of it, sure.

I also have nice tits.

You do. And a great ass, too.

Oh, well thank you. I appreciate your appreciation. I knew you were an ass woman.

Am I? I'll take your word for it.

Are you not? Am I wrong?

No, I'm not saying you're wrong. You'd know better than anyone else.

You're not saying I'm wrong but you're also not telling me what you think. Come on, pony up. Let's hear it.

I think I don't really find myself looking much at anyone else's ass, that's all.

Anyone else's but you do look at mine?

I already said that, didn't I?

It's nice to hear it twice.

A girl can't have too big an ego.

If your ego needed a bit of stroking, you could have just said that.

Give me a little ego stroking, baby.

The attitude had me hooked before the ass did.

If you would have asked me a few centuries ago, I wouldn't have guessed Lady Death herself liked someone who just bossed her around.

Ah, now, you don't JUST boss me around, and you know it.
Happy to have surprised you, though.

No, I don't just boss you around. You liked me because I was a bitch.

You're still a bitch and I still like that about you.

I think I might have even gotten bitchier with age.

Like a fine wine, sweetheart.

I do enjoy that the top reasons you get attracted to people, well me, are because I'm mean and bitchy.

And then the physical stuff. Look at you, going for personality first.

Hey, not being bored is a very important factor when you're older than fuck.

And what fills your time when I'm not around and you're not collecting souls for afterlife pinball? Creepy crawly insects?

I also have a pretty big garden.

Oh, that's right. Green witch. Green thumb. Growing any weed?

Not for some hundreds of years, no.

Surprising. What've you got growing?

Annatto, Anthurium chamberlainii, frangipani, yellow oleander, zombie ant fungus, black sapote, giant grandadilla, blossfeldia, nipple fruit, chondrodendron tomentosum, brazilian ductman's pipe, peronia, woodland passionflower, vanilla orchids, strychnos electri, gympie-gympie trees... Things like that.

I don't know what any of those words mean.

They're different types of plants.

How big is your damn garden?

As big as I want it to be.

Bring me some damn flowers next time you come around.

Okay, sure. I'll bring you some damn flowers.

Make them flowers that you've never brought me before.

Never?

Okay. Challenge accepted.

Excellent. Nothing ugly.

None of my flowers are ugly.

I've seen some ugly flowers before.

From me?

( okay, fine. )

No, not from you.

Good answer.

[It was going to be a bunch of grocery store carnations, if she had said yes.]

You know your flowers, I will give you that. And you know which ones I like.

I'm pretty good at knowing what you like, yes.

Pretty good. Always room for improvement.

You want to give me a performance review?

I should. Get out my red pen and paper and grade you.

Ohhh. Yes, you should. Dress the part, too.

Dress the part?

Short skirt, jacket, glasse? Is that what teachers wear?

Short, tight skirt. Hair up in a bun. Vest, maybe, some teachers wear those... jacket with the elbow patches?

I trust you to hit the important bits easily.

And if I give you a failing grade, do I get to punish Death herself?

Actions have to have consequences, don't they?

[A rule she barely ever lives (heh) by, but it works for her here.]

Well, now I have to think an appropriate punishment for you.

Feel free to make it an inappropriate punishment, if you'd rather.

Oooh.

Looking for something new?

Not that I don't still love all of our old standbys, classics are classic for a reason, but sometimes a little change can be interesting.

Okay, that's understandable. Hard to find something you might not have done but I think I can do it.

If anyone can, it'll be you.

Aww, your faith in me might make me cry.

I doubt that.

What, don't think you could make me cry?

Not like that.

Thankfully.

Let's not touch the other ways.

No, let's not.

There are such better things for touching.

So, tell me what you'd touch first if I just poofed in front of you right now.

[Alas, her honest answer isn't actually dirty.]

Your face.

( oh no, feelings. )

Unfair. That's right for my nonexistent feelings.

What can I say? I'm attached to that face.

I've got nice tits, a nice ass, great legs and you get all soft and say face. Sap.

Guilty. Don't worry, I'd get to all the rest of that too.

I suppose I can deal with the face touching first. I don't mind that as long as other parts get equal attention.

You want to time each portion?

I might. See which you spend more time touching.

Go for it. Won't be the weirdest thing we've ever done by a few miles.

No, that's true. It'll just give me more things to call you out on. When I'm feeling particularly ugly and you say I'm not, I can remind you that you only touched my ass for three minutes and ten seconds that one time.

There's no way it would ever be as low as three minutes and ten seconds.

Fine, what's the minimum you'd spend touching me? Whatever place you're touching at the time.

The absolute minimum? In a catastrophe, five minutes.

That's still pretty good especially in a catastrophe. Good to know that if the world were burning, you'd still get a good feel.

I'd be a fool to waste the opportunity.

My ego will never ever not be puffed up with you around.

Isn't that half the reason you keep me around?

That and you're easy on the eyes.

Yeah, I figured that was the other half.

I'm a simple woman with simple needs.

You might have simple needs, but they'd be the only simple thing about you. You're a complicated woman.

You'd get bored of me otherwise.

You wouldn't be you, otherwise.

No, I'd be Agnes. Ew.

Hey, now. Agnes was still hot.

Fuck off.

I'm hotter.

( you were the same person, agatha. )

I didn't say you weren't.

Did you like Agnes better than me?

I don't like anyone better than you.

Aw, baby.

I might wear plaid for you just for that.

As if you didn't already know.

Yes, but I like compliments just as much as the next person. Maybe even more so.

Oh, definitely even more so. Much, much more so.

Excuse me for having a healthy ego.

Is that what we're calling it today?

You would call it something else?

Who, me? No, I have no idea what else it might be.

I don't know why but I think you're lying.

Aw, you know I'm honest to a fault.

Maybe. But sarcasm is your second language.

Technically, I think English is my second language. Sarcasm is third.

Okay, fine. But sarcasm is your strongest language.

Can't argue with that. Maybe I was thinking an ego the size of Pangaea, instead.

That is pretty big, yeah. I think I could agree to that. But at least I know how to use my ego.

I won't argue with that, either.

Oh, it's fun when you're so pliant and agreeable. I could make you do anything.

Almost anything.

Almost anything?

What wouldn't you do for me?

What I can't.

( okay, yes.

she hadn't been thinking of that but...yes. she knows that. )

I know, Rio. I know. It's all right.

[Maybe a day will come it doesn't spring to mind so immediately for her, in a few more hundred years.]

Is it?

It is.

It's fine, Rio.

[...] Okay.

I missed you so much.

I know, baby.

I missed you too. Even when I told myself I didn't.

I don't blame you for not admitting that.

[For the hiding, maybe, but not for telling herself she didn't.]

( from here )

Yes well, it was a last minute decision and I was in a rush.

Even I make mistakes. And if I drop it now, I admit defeat and I don't lose, Rio.

Edited 2025-06-17 13:04 (UTC)

Why were you in a rush?

Or you decided it wasn't worth dealing with a pack of village farmers.
[The farmer image is too funny, she can't let it go.]

I just wanted something nice and I didn't want to deal with a bunch of hillbillies with four teeth and a bunch of guns.

Now I'm much more curious about what you took. Go on, what is it?

A goat.

You wanted something nice, so you took a goat?

( from here)

A place to lay low for a few days. Apparently, a lot of people don't like me and I'd rather avoid getting killed for the first time in three centuries.

Find me a place that no one's going to look that isn't a hovel and I'll owe you.

Done. I've got plenty of those, and I'm pretty good at avoiding people who hate and want to kill me.

On a scale of my second secret penthouse to a european lakehouse, how quick do you need to hide?

I can give you a day. And if you can make it somewhere out of country, I will do filthy things to you. Absolutely filthy. I've been alive for three hundred years.

I know things.

Well you certainly know how to motivate a gal to work quicker. I have a couple decades myself I'll reward you with after I let you have your way with me.

Lake Como, first class tickets. Meet me on the runway at JFK tonight.

( she knows how to get what she wants and she's not afraid to use all the tools at her disposal. )

I'll be there. You'll have to tell me when you want your reward too.

[ open post ]

— beatsfor

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